Man Who Couldnt Cry

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 There once was a man who just couldn't cry 
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 He hadn't cried for years and for years 
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 Napalmed babies and the movie "Love Story" 
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 For instance could not produce tears 
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 As a child he had cried as all children will 
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 Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry 
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 He grew to be a man, it all hit the fan 
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 Things got bad, but he couldn't cry 
 
 His dog was run over, his wife up and left him 
 And after that he got sacked from his job 
 Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore 
 Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob 
 His novel was refused, his movie was panned 
 And his big Broadway show was a flop 
 He got sent off to jail;  you guessed it, no bail 
 Oh, but still not a dribble or drop 
 
 In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered 
 And made to make license plates 
 Water and bread was all he was fed 
 But not once did a tear stain his face 
 Doctors were called in, scientists, too 
 Theologians were last and practically least 
 They all agreed sure enough;  this was sure no cream puff 
 But in fact an insensitive beast 
 
 He was removed from jail and placed in a place 
 For the insensitive and the insane 
 He played lots of chess and made lots of friends 
 And he wept every time it would rain 
 Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights 
 And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried 
 On the forty-first day, he passed away 
 He just dehydrated and died 
 
 Well, he went up to heaven, located his dog 
 Not only that, but he rejoined his arm 
 Down below, all the critics, they loot it all back 
 Cancer robbed the whore of her charm 
 His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke 
 The theologians were finally found out 
 Right down to the ground, that old jail house burned down 
 The earth suffered perpetual drought