Written by David Allan Coe/Fred Spears
D G THE OLD MAN WAS COVERED WITH TATOOS AND SCARS, HE GOT SOME IN PRISON AND SOME IN THE BARS. A D THE REST HE GOT WORKIN' ON OLD JUNK CARS IN THE DAY TIME. D THEY LOOKED LIKE TOMBSTONES IN OUR YARD G A D AND I NEVER SEEN HIM WHEN HE WASN'T TIRED AND MEAN. D G HE SOLD USED PARTS TO MAKE ENDS MEET, COVERED WITH GREASE FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET, A D CUSSIN' THE SUN AND THE TEXAS HEAT, AND THE SKEETERS. D AND THE NEIGHBORS SAY WE LIVE LIKE HICKS, G A D BUT THEY BRING THEIR CARS FOR PA TO FIX ANYHOW. D G HE WAS VET'RIN PROUD, TRIED AND TRUE, HE'D FIGHT TILL HIS HEART WAS BLACK AND BLUE, A D DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE'D MAKE IT THROUGH, THE HARD TIMES. D BOUGHT OUR HOUSE ON THE G.I. BILL, G A D BUT IT WASN'T WORTH ALL HE HAD TO KILL TO GET IT. D G HE DRANK PEARL IN A CAN AND JACK DANIELS BLACK, CHEWED TOBACCO FROM A MAIL-POUCH SACK, A D HAD AN OLD DOG THAT WAS TRAINED TO ATTACK, SOMETIMES. D HE'D GET DRUNK AND MEAN AS A RATTLESNAKE, G A D AND THERE WASN'T TOO MUCH THAT HE WOULD TAKE, FROM A STRANGER. G A D G THERE WAS 13 KIDS AND A BUNCH OF DOGS, HOUSE FULL OF CHICKENS AND A YARD FULL OF HOGS, A G D SPENT THE SUMMERTIME CUTTIN' UP LOGS FOR THE WINTER. G A D G TRYIN' LIKE THE DEVIL TO FIND THE LORD, AND WORKIN' LIKE A NIGGER FOR MY ROOM AND BOARD, A D COAL BURNIN' STOVE, NO NATURAL GAS, AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. D G D IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE, G A D IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE. G A D G I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH, A D AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. D G WELL, MOMMA SOLD EGGS AT THE GROCERY STORE, MY OLDEST SISTER WAS A FIRST-RATE WHORE, A D DAD SAYS SHE CAN'T COME HOME ANY MORE, AND HE MEANS IT. D MA JUST SITS AND KEEPS HER SILENCE G A D SISTER SHE LEFT 'CAUSE DAD GOT VIOLENT, AND SHE KNOWS IT. D G MOMMA SHE'S OLD, FAR BEYOND HER TIME, FROM CHOPPIN' TOBACCO A D AND I SEEN HER CRYIN WHEN BLOOD STARTED FLOWIN' FROM HER CALLOUSED HANDS, AND IT HURT ME. D BUT SHE'D JUST KEEP WORKIN' TRYIN' TO HELP THE OLD MAN, G A D FROM THE END OF ONE ROW AND BACK AGAIN,LIKE ALWAYS. D G SHE'D BEEN THROUGH HELL SINCE JUNIOR WENT TO JAIL, AND WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT SHE AIN'T NEVER FAILED, A D TO GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND PRAY, 'CAUSE SHE LOVES HIM. D SHE TOLD ALL THE NEIGHBORS HE WAS OFF IN THE WAR, G A D FIGHTIN' FOR FREEDOM, HE'S GOOD TO THE CORE, AND SHE'S PROUD. D G OUR PLACE WAS A GRAVEYARD FOR AUTOMOBILES, AT THE END OF THE PORCH WERE 4 STACKS OF WHEELS, A D AND TIRES FOR SALE FOR A DOLLAR OR TWO, CASH. G A THERE WERE 50 HOLES IN THAT OLD TIN ROOF. D G ME AND MY FAMILY WAS LIVIN' PROOF, A OF PEOPLE WHO FORGOT ABOUT POOR WHITE TRASH D AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY I'LL KISS YOUR ASS. D G D IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE, G A D IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE. G A D G I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH, A D AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.